Updated: Nov 10, 2021
As a Relationship Coach for both men and women, I hear women complain all the time about the issues with men and online dating. There was even a book by Aziz Ansari called Modern Romance. It's pretty good and funny, and it is spot on how both straight men and gay men act and behave in modern-day love. Men I want to help you up-level your dating gaming and crash it in this overly saturated dating app pool.
Here are 7 mistakes men make with online dating and how you can upgrade your profile and start to stand out from all the hundreds of messages receive DAILY on dating apps.
1) The first mistake is messaging women with "hey" "sup" "heyy" or "heyyy" "Wsup". No! No! And never start your interactions a.k.a conversation with pet names like "Hey beautiful." "Hey baby!" 'Hey baby girl!" Don't do it. Women hate those types of messages. One of my female clients says "I ignore those boring messages because every dude is sending and saying the same damn thing."
NEW APPROACH: Be curious about her. Ask her questions about her and what's important to her rather than making the conversation all about you. Do your homework.
2) Don't start a conversation with "Where you from?" When it clearly states her location on her profile. It shows you aren't noticing the clues she left for you on her profile. Read their profiles.
NEW APPROACH: There is a saying "A picture is worth a thousand words." You can tell a lot by a woman's profile and there are plenty of clues in her pictures that can spark a conversation.
Here are three things you can say to her about her if this was her picture.
1) "You look so happy in that photo. My name is (your name) would love to get to know you."
2) "Is that Italy in the background? I am a fan of Italy. I've visited three years in a row. What do you love about Italy? Or You want to grab pasta at my favorite Italian Restaurant?"
3) "Hi I'm (your name.) I just have to say, you look so radiant in your photo. Would love to get to know you."
Stay AWAY from cliche dialogue.
What is your frustration with online dating? Leave a comment below.
3) Stay away from pictures that include:
1) You drinking in more than one picture. 2) Half naked pictures. 3) Pictures with other people.
NEW APPROACH: 1) A picture of you in that shirt or outfit that everyone complains to you about. That's a good profile picture choice. 3) Stay away from wearing the same color clothes in every photo. Don't do it.
4) Stop with the endless texting.
NEW APPROACH: If you are having a great texting banner, you want to ALWAYS ask "Can we move this to a phone conversation?" So many guys are doing endless texting. You will stand out by moving the conversation to a phone conversation. Plus... You want to know if you can have a conversation with this person and are turned on by her voice. By her voice, it can make or break the connection. We are humanly get turned on by the sound of someone's voice. Try it.
BONUS: When you use the word "WE" or "US" in our conversation, it allows her to feel connected to you and that you are thinking about you two as the US.
5) Not being open and being closed off to new experiences and cultures.
The love of your life could be right in front of you but because you have an idea of what she l "should" like, it is the reason why you won't approach or date outside your race nor expand yourself in life. The love of your life is there to help you grow and expand in life. Marianne Williamson who is the author of "A Return to Love" says that "Love is there to show the light on the things that you don't like about yourself so you can grow, heal and expand in love."
6) Stay away from the overuse of sexual language.
Every single woman has said this to me. Once you start the sex talk, then you lose her. If you are looking for a hookup, then fine, just be upfront but if you are looking for love then stay away from sexual language until after a month or two of dating.
NEW APPROACH: Flirt but don't over flirt. Give honest and genuine compliments.
Make an effort to notice and acknowledge the effort she has made to be with you.
7) Men don't let this happen to you.
Woman: "What are you looking for in a woman?"
Man: "I don't know. Someone who is attractive and has a job. I don't know. I am going with the flow."
NO. No. NO.
NEW APPROACH: Men we need to sit down and define our needs and change the conversation with each other. When you define your needs, you have power. When you know your needs, you stop wasting time on women who aren't right for you. I am not talking about physical, sexually, and "Going with the flow." talk. I am talking about you have the emotional intelligence to say to a woman
Man: I am looking for a woman who is great with her family because family is important to me. or I am looking for a woman who has the drive and who's supportive as well. I want a partnership and not a dictatorship."
When you know your needs and you can articulate your needs and wants, it's fucking so attractive. Trust me. All my female clients and friends tell me. It turns women on, and it's attractive for you when a woman can articulate her needs back to you.
I am here for you men. Let's have a conversation to see whether coaching is for you and let's get you on the path to a juicy relationship.
You deserve a happy and healthy love life.
Let me help you up-level your dating life BOOK A FREE SESSION.
More dating success resources:
Join our private Facebook group for community support and additional coaching.
Dating and Relationships | Calling in "The One" Private Facebook Group
Jimmy Allen Coaching | Facebook group
Juicy love TV:
7 online dating tips for men's dating profiles and how to date
How to make her crave you. (Part 1)
Relationship Advice | Habits for a better relationship.
10 mistakes men make on dating apps.
How to move the conversation forward in online dating with Tavia Sharp