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Don't say "You look great." when you don't mean it.

A few weeks so I hear a podcast interview with a famous celebrity. The podcast was on relationships. This celebrity is known to give advice to men and women. Hell... He has written a book about relationships, and I read it. It was funny and informative, and I learned about myself as a man. I am gay and I learned a lot about women because I coach women too. However... In this podcast, I was with him until he said this "When a woman tells you "Do I look good in this dress?"

A man should nod and say "You look, great honey." Even though she doesn't look great. No matter how she looks, the answer is always "You look, good babe." I cringed. NOW! As a gay man, I know this is a no-no. Women trust gay men to tell them the truth. I always have women asked me to go shopping with them because they know I am going to be straight up honest and come from a place of love. That's what they want men. They aren't looking for your approval. They just want your honest opinion. They want honesty. Men you have to get out of your head about how to respond to that question. You have to learn to detach yourself from the outcome and be PATIENT and come from a place of love. She wants to look good for you that's why she is asking you, and she wants you to be apart of the creation of the evening. My best friend's wife wanted me to go costume shopping with her because she knew her husband wouldn't be helpful nor help her with the creation of her outfit. She was going as Cleopatra. For me, I was excited. And I know many men will say, "Of course! You are gay." Not all gay men do, and besides, men you have a limiting belief about shopping that's holding you back from being in the creation of the moment.

It's being in the moment that allows love to flow and flourish. Love is creation. It's an action. It's a give and takes between two people that ignites the attraction. And when you focus on what you don't want, you create more frustration with yourself and with the relationship. When you focus on "I don't like helping pick out outfits" "I don't like shopping.", it's creating negative thought patterns, frustration, resentment, and anger. When you focus on the fact that you love spending time with your partner, then picking out the outfit doesn't matter because you are spending quality time with the person you love. It's not about the outfit. It's spending quality time with the one you love that's the most important part. When you change your focus, you create more love and more sex.

So... My friends’ wife had already picked the outfit, but she needed a little help to elevate the costume. She pulled out these two crowns that she was having a hard time deciding on and I said "Why don't you wear both." She looked surprised and confused. "Wear both?" she said. "Yes." The first crown would sit low on her head and drape down on to her face. The second crown would sit up high on her head standing up at 6 inches above her other crown. When she looked in the mirror, her face lite up because it looked like one beautiful crown. And on the night of her Halloween gala, she and her husband won the best costume.

You see men if you focus on what you don't want or don't want to do, all you get is frustration. She might even take even longer to get ready. Often times, it leads to arguments and fighting and you end up either not going out or in silence at the dinner table. When you change your focus, and you focus on creating the love, you create a loving experience. When you focus on love, and the creation of it, kisses get involved. When kisses get involved, you know what that means.

Haaaa. I hope you get the picture.

If you are ready to transform your relationship, send me an email. HELP ME JIMMY. I am here you.

In the meantime, here is a podcast I created with Coach Jilly and we talk about how to bring that value to your relationship to get more out of your relationship.

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