When I hear men give each other this advice, I wait, and I watch for the expression on the other person's face. It's always a slight confessed look at first. 😟🤔
Men, we teach each other bad behavior.
It wasn't until I learned about setting intentions. As I was getting my coach certification with Katherine Woodard Thomas, the author of the book Calling in "The One." She would drive this idea. When you set an intention, it pulls you forward to become who we need to be to create the life we want.
"That's consciousness," she would say. When you set an intention- "I intend on being fun, loving, and open on my date tonight." or "...with my wife tonight." That is your commitment for the evening. And no matter what happens.
There is always an intention behind our actions. Whether you know it or not or like it or not, there is a thought that leads to an intention, which leads to an action.
The law of intention is always in motion. Even to the point of why you are single, why your marriage isn't working, why you keep hooking up, why you are cheating, and why you are alone yet again this holiday season.
Whether you are conscious or unconscious of your intentions, every action or inaction has an intention—every single one.
I was dating someone, and everything was going great. Where we're on the beach one day just taking the day in, it had been cloudy all day long, and it didn't matter because we had each other. We had our wine. We had great conversation. We had each other, so everything was great. As we arrived back at the beach house, he wanted to take me to his mediation spot behind this abandoned house. As we talked through the dense bushes, we arrived at this open space. As soon as we arrived, and I kid you not, the clouds parted, and the sun burst through the clouds as it started to set. I pulled out my iPhone and played Spanish music, and we began to dance. We had just talked about going dancing, so I decided to seize the moment.
Suddenly he started freaking out. He thought that I had someone recording us. He thought that I had someone recording us, but I didn't. I assumed he was having a panic attack since he had been smoking weed all day. He just freaked. He pushed me away and said, "This is too much. It is too perfect. The sunset, the music, and the dancing. It is all too much." After that day, I was depressed because I didn't know how to bring that joy back to the relationship.
I meet up with a friend a week later after the incident, and I told her what had happened. She said something to me that reminded me why I wanted to be in a relationship. SHe said, "What's your intention in love?" That single sentences reminded me of my commitment to who I am choosing to be in a loving relationship. And despite my partner's reaction and behavior, I do not have to lose sight of who I am committed to being for love no matter what.
Once I reconnected to my intention, I could be fun, be kind, and be loving again. When I emember my intention; It changed my behavior. It was also a reminder that i didn't have to take on someone's insecurities. Their insecurities were their own, and my happiness is not dependent on someone's inability to love.
Men, our inability to be clear and aware of our intentions causes frustration, aggravation, and heartache. Aren't you tired of being nagging people in your face?
When you have a clear intention, it shades your behavior, language, and how you show up. Hell, It helps you say no to things you aren't aligned with your commitment to love. You stop wasting time. You stop wasting money, and you stop being frustrated.
Even if you set the intention to be clear, it will change the game for you.
If you are going to "be yourself," then create yourself. What do you intend on creating with your love life?
If you are stuck, then I'd love to help.